Shades of Blue...

I still remember the shade of blue the sky was that day

A vibrant azure hue, with brush strokes of cirrus clouds making way for a strikingly warm sun

A day that started like most others, with the exception of the flutters in my stomach caused by the sight of that electric smile you wore on your face. A smile I had seen a thousands times, and had even come to expect, but was surprisingly drawn to that day

Your friendly touches of reassurance, always careful not to cross the imaginary line that divided us from friends and lovers, me from coworker and mistress, had grown to full-blown moments of caressing

Our hugs, all of a sudden lingered for a mere second too long and our stares, which we shared frequently, suddenly grew intense like the positive & negative ends of a magnet. 

It was as if we had both awakened the day of the bright, summer azure sky no longer able to hide behind those “friendly” gestures we had become accustomed to. Pulses racing, body temperatures rising, skin against skin. Lips pressed together ever so gently, inhaling and exhaling each other’s guilt. It had all come to a head

I still remember the shade of blue painted on the hotel room walls. A cool indigo tone, accented by the sheer, white floor-to-ceiling drapes, that we always kept open. Drapes meant to hide the passion that unfolded between us within those four walls. We had done all of the hiding that we could handle on the outside of that hotel room, and that exposed window was a subconscious defiance of a world that we could never be seen together in. A window that divided reality from fantasy. I grew to like the fantasy. 

I still remember the shade of blue I felt the day you told me it had to end. A dull tint of slate to be exact. I’d never liked the color slate very much, and I didn’t like it any better painted on my soul. 

The Black Keys played on repeat in my head, as I lie in bed, expressionless. Haunted by what I had allowed to unfold; angry that I’d become so cloaked in my own naïveté that I actually felt ambushed by the abruptness of an ending that was inevitable from the beginning.

The snow continued to fall that day, as did the tears. Mirroring each other’s rhythm.

Never again have I been able to appreciate the color blue, with all of its nuanced complexities and its vast range of shades. It reminds me too much of you.